Pregnancy can be a testing time for a couple. It’s why they all say that it either make or breaks your love life. If you feel like you’re in a rut, find out in this post how to spice up your sex life during pregnancy.
First of all, I think you and I should have a little chat.
Grab your tea, decaffinated coffee and sit down comfortably – we’re about to get personal.
Why are we in a rut?
So, one of the common complaints I here from the men of pregnant women, is that they just feel deconnected.
It’s hard for them to keep up with your mood swings, your head seems to be only in one place – baby land.
It’s quite common in pregnancy for us women to become consumed by the growing human inside us – and rightly so. Part of our natural instinct, you could say.
Perhaps one of the reasons that he’s feeling that disconnection is that he feels like he’s lost you – his woman, on some level.
Of course, your life is about to change in a huge way, though he could be worried that he’s getting left behind.
Please don’t think I’m siding with them – I’ve been pregnant myself and know what it’s like to put up with a man around when you just can’t deal.
What I’m saying is, it’s probably not helping you when it comes to getting it on. Logical, right?
Your partner needs to feel as though you leave enough space to think and decicate time to him.
Related post: Is a high sex drive normal during pregnancy?
The secret to escaping the rut
Not long ago, a male friend I have told me something that was new to my ears.
I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard what he was saying. It sounded so absurd, yet so logical.
Want to know what he said?
He told me that men naturally get tired of seeing the same body over and over again.
Dang, that hurt. He went on to explain that it was part of men’s innate animal instinct from long ago, to populate the planet. Ahem.
Though he may have had a point, what are we goddesses to do if our man is tired of the same routine? And what’s in it for us?
We can’t just slap another body suit on. What we can do, though is change how we are.
Before you say anything, I don’t mean permanently – I just mean, try new versions of you – keep reading and you’ll get me.
Dress up, dress down
Some men absolutely love when their women put some really sexy underwear on and parade round the house.
My partner, on the other hand, finds me sexy in baggy t-shirts, and loose clothing.
You may be thinking I got lucky there, but imagine being pregnant and putting something considerably hot on – to be almost ignored.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he dislikes sexy gear, but I do believe that his sex drive goes a little further than provoking underwear.
ANYWAY, all this was to say – find your middle ground. Try out new styles, buy some sexy maternity slips if you want. Find what works, hell sit down and actually ask each other your tastes! Then apply.
The other option you have, is to wear the same gear, but act differently.
You don’t have to be a hollywood actress to act a diva, shy, or unwilling. The process of trying out new ‘yous’ will also aid your development as a person, as you explore new sides of you.
Some of which perhaps you’ve never seen before!
No, I’m not talking about the classical doctor/nurse roleplay (fine if that’s what does it for you, though!), be inventive.
Likewise, if you predominantly take the lead, do the opposite. Let yourself be seduced.
A fun scene to try out is the one where you just meet for the first time – you don’t know each other.
Yes, we know you actually know each other – but play out that you don’t, and you can become whoever you like.
As I said, you may discover sides of you or your partner that you had no idea you were hiding. Exciting!
Of course, the best place for this is in a restaurant or out somewhere, but don’t let your imagination stop there!
If you can’t manage to get out, how can you re-create a first date at home? No idea is crazy in this game, so run with it!
Want more ideas to rescue your intimacy?
Exclude different senses
Have you ever felt like when you turn the light off in the bedroom you end up having great sex?
Why is that?
Perhaps it’s to do with the fact we’re not so self conscious, we lose our inhibitions, feel free.
I doubt that’s the only thing that happens though. In fact I know it.
When you turn the lights out, you shut out your sense of sight, which allows all the other senses to come into play.
Suddenly, the scent on your man’s neck makes you estatic and you writh with please as a hand slides down your back.
Knowing this, figure out how you can play around with your senses.
For example, could you play a game to see how far you can get without kissing?
What if you sat in front of each other and were not able to touch?
Whoever said blind folding was strictly for DSM?
Take your partner by suprise and see how he reacts. If you prefer to have a chat about what you like, feel free.
Though the key element in this is the surprise!
Play your surroundings
Similarly, you can play around with your surroundings to make you feel more comfortable and in the mood.
There’s nothing cliche in a dimly lit candle flickering in the background with some smooth music playing softly.
The trick is to play with what you’ve got – if you have a plush with a velvet feel to it, use it.
Satin nightgown? Totally. Staying in your bathrobe after coming out the shower is also a must.
Don’t be afraid to get to it on the sofa – just make sure you’re comfortable.
Sometimes just coming out of your comfort zone together can really change your perspective. And when you change your perspective, you see your partner from a different light, too.
Embrace your body
Look, here’s the thing.
I know that pregnancy can be rotten sometimes. That you don’t feel up to anything and you just want a quick back rub and off to bed.
I know that when you look in the mirror you see your body further and further from what it used to be and that’s scary.
I’m just here to say – how many times do you get this opportunity in life? The more you embrace your pregnancy, the more alive you’ll feel – and consequently more sex you might be having.
If you’re worried whether your partner still finds you attractive, that’s normal – all of us wonder that at some stage.
Express your worries, you may be pleasantly surprised to find out how he really does find you a goddess – especially bearing his child.
Last but not least, my last piece of advice for you is to have fun. Sex is meant to be fun – it’s adult play!
Do take time to talk, to understand your feelings, but don’t linger on them. It’s time to take matters in your own hands now.
Enjoy your time together, I know you hear it all the time but you won’t get as much time when baby arrives.
If you’re not a first time mother, you already know what I mean!