Pregnancy is a real rollercoaster of hormones and emotions that at times it can be unpredictable. Your sex drive included!
Most women have ups and downs when it comes to their libido though some see huge increase in their need for sexual pleasure.
So if you’re questioning what’s normal, what’s not and what to expect, you’re in the right place. Here we’ll go through the changes that happen to your body and how they affect your sex life too.
Is it normal to have an increased sex drive?
Breathe a sigh of relief mom-to be – if you’re feeling more spark it’s due mainly to your hormones.
Your estrogen levels are through the roof now, making you more sensitive to all the little things.
Remember how you’re easily triggered by scents and flavours? Same goes in the sexual domain.
Your heightened sensitivity can make you want to pounce on your partner at the very smell of a t-shirt you pick up from the chair.
Enjoy and embrace this feeling – hold your man tighter when you hug and get a good whiff of the back of his neck. Yum!
Not only that, you will be noticing some changes to your vulva as there is extra blood flow down there. That can only mean one thing – extra pleasure is on the cards!
Again, relax – though you may not be used to being horny all-the-time; it will do you no harm to continue to have frequent sex during pregnancy.
If you are unsure you can consult with your midwife to feel more at ease. You can also read this post about pregnancy sex.
What if I don’t have an increased sex drive?
Don’t worry, this is perfectly normal too. Some women experience the exact opposite of a high sex drive and can’t even imagine their partner approaching them.
You may also find that some days you’re really in the mood, and others not so much. It’s important to rememer that during pregnancy there really is no general rule.
What works for some, may not work for you. What you may be feeling, other women may not.
It’s all part of the game sister!
My partner doesn’t want to have sex with me
Unfortunately there are many reasons that your partner doesn’t want to get jiggy with you but they all lead to the same result: a frustrated pregnant woman.
And no-one wants to mess with a frustrated pregnant woman.
With a bit of luck, your partner will come round with a bit of persuasion.
Some tips to encourage him
I suggest a good date out somewhere – doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just be together.
If you’re more of an outdoors type try a picnic, or if you enjoy music why not go to a concert together?
Don’t be afraid to consider having a friend babysit the kids if this is your second pregnancy, that way you get some adult time before another arrival in the family.
Talk about it
Chances are your man doesn’t understand your constant need for rampant sex or where it’s coming from.
If you can sit down and give him an explanation as to why it’s happening, he’ll have the chance to empathize (on some level) or at least understand what’s happening within you.
Some men can be sensitive when it comes to sex and can feel like they’re being ‘used’ like a toy. It’s important to make your man feel truly cared for, so show him affection in day to day life too.
Soft love and affection
One of the most bizarre and biggest frustrations to any man living with a pregnant woman (please don’t bite me!) is the up and down mood swings. We know, we know, it’s down to the hormones.
But if you’re non-intentionally hot and cold with him, it can be hard for him to understand. One minute you want to jump on him, the next you’re picking a fight over the dirty t-shirt on the floor.
Try your best to manage a smile sometimes and let things go, knowing that half the time it isn’t really you arguing back.
If you haven’t already, you may want to take the 5 love languages test and figure out what your man truly wants and desires from you.
Sometimes something so simple as watching a silly series together can go a long way if he’s a ‘quality time’ lover.
Otherwise, a little mutual massage can really ease up the tension in any relationship…and could lead to other indulgences.
If all else fails…
You may find that the excursion out together works and you return to have regular love-making sessions. That may not be enough for you in which case, it’s time to go solo.
Even if masturbation is not really your thing, you could use it as a time of self re-discovery. So many things change in pregnancy that your tastes could be different now.
Focus on how you liked to be touched – light, fast, firm. You can always think about investing in a vibrator! There are a ton on the market, depending on your taste.
I will be writing a post specifically dedicated to this topic, so keep your eyes pealed.
Is there ever too much?
If you feel like you can’t control your libido and it’s causing you concern, don’t be shy about having a little chat with your doctor of midiwfe.
Discuss your recent acitvity and what exactly is worrying you – if nothing it leave you feeling reassured.
Most pregnancies allow for as much quantity of sex as you like.
What could be a cause for concern however, is the intensity during sex. Bear in mind your body is a lot more sensitive now and you need to limit yourself from doing anything too drastic.
During the first and second trimesters, you may be able to make love almost as before, providing you don’t overdo it.
If a position feels uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to say so. Sometimes the changes that we go through can be inspiring to try new things!
If you feel like you’re lacking inspiration, you can check out this post I have on the Top 7 Pregnancy positions.
I feel contractions after having sex
Feeling a tightening sensation in your abdomen after a long session – not to worry, it’s more common than you think.
This is usually an after effect of having an orgasm, that makes your uterus contract alongside your vagina.
You may recognise these post-orgasm spasms from before your pregnancy. They will only feel stronger now because they have more space to reach.
Some doctors prefer you to abstain from intense sex around the end of your pregnancy as it can provoke labor. Though this is more to do with the spermacide that dissolves the cervical wall.
Still, if you’re at risk for a preterm labor or have any questions at all, it’s best to write them down and ask your health provider at your next prenatal visit.
Some signs to watch out for
As I’ve said, pregnancy sex is perfectly safe in the majority of cases. You do need to be aware, however, of anything unusual:
- Bleeding after sex
- Sex becoming too painful
- Significant discomfort
- You have more pains and cramps in your abdomen