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After seeing the success of a recent post on pregnancy sex positions, I gained a lot of insight.
I realized that we still have a lot of ground to make up in the sex department. That the words ‘pregnancy’ and ‘sex’ in the same sentence lead to all sorts of connotations and taboos.
I realized how little time we spend talking about something so freakin important to us as nurturing, loving human beings.
Not only that, I came to the conclusion that we’re still searching the internet for our intimacy issues and most importantly:
We’re probably not getting enough sex.
So, with all these changes that occur during our pregnancy lifetime (cause let’s face it, it feels like a whole different life we take on) how does one get it on more?
It’s important we get into the knitty gritty of what our body is going through.
Get your sexy head on ladies and buckle in: let’s go.
1) I don’t feel up to it
Yep, we’re gonna tackle this one head on!
With your ever-fluctuating hormones, fatigue and sensitivity it can be difficult to let go and enjoy a good session.
Perhaps we’re missing one point here though: sex could actually help distract you from pregnancy symptoms!
One common thing these symptoms all have in common? They often occure at the same time of day. So you can get ahead by keeping track of them and catch yourself in your finest moments for getting down to it.
Also read: – 5 DIY Remedies for Pregnancy Heartburn
What to try when you’re not in the mood
First of all – relax. Understand that your desire will change as your body adapts to growing a little human bean in there.
Some common relaxation practices I imply are:
- have a hot bath with your favourite scents – there’s nothing like warm water on your body to ease all that muscle tension and de-compress
- get grooving to your favourite chill-out playlist
- bring in your partner to give you a massage
- lower the lighting for a more sensual experience
- ensure there are no distractions – place your phones where you won’t hear them and television off
2) It doesn’t feel the same for me
Aside from the obvious belly changing during pregnancy, we also go through other bodily changes. One of them namely the shape of the interior of our vagina.
As our body adapts to the new weight, some things shift in order to make space and the vagina becomes more curved and towards you.
If I’m confusing you, think of a come here hand sign and you’ll get the gist.
Anyway, because of this, things just don’t feel the same – your G spot will have shifted too so if you’re relying on the old techniques that work for you, chances are you’re finding yourself at a loss right now.
All hope is not lost! Just have some patience and mix it up.
Choose the positions that resonate the most with you – as your vagina is more curvy than usual (thanks to my excellent explanation…) you want to be using positions that get the most out of that curve.
Take when you’re on top for example, instead of sitting up, try and lay down gently as far as you can and really enter your pelvis for more pleasure.
You can also try:
- a solid foreplay practice will engorge your vulve more before penetration, making you more susceptible to pleasure
- If you have the energy, get on top and play about discovering what feels the most comfortable for you both
- Don’t be afraid to stimulate other body parts to get you going – if you’re in a spooning position, for example, have him stroke your thighs and gently squeeze your breasts
3) I feel more aroused than ever
Congratulations – you are one of the lucky ones that has an increased libido during pregnancy.
Jumping on your man as soon as he enters the door? Sexting while at work? Bearing provocative outfits on a Sunday afternoon?
Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal.
The most of it is down to the hormones having their say, mainly progestrone and estrogen, but you can find out more about the potent mix of hormones here.
There is nothing wrong with having an enormous sex drive during pregnancy – just try and go along with the ride.
One stumble you may come across however is your partner who may not be up for always being a co-passenger. If your sex drive is through the roof and his had stayed put, what can you do?
- Talk through this change in you and establish your need for intimacy
- Understand the times of the day when your partner feels most aroused and go with it
- Don’t be afraid to get some alone play in if your partner isn’t up to it
You may also find yourself more attractive as your body gets more curvy and you see your breasts grow and your hips stand out more. I remember really appreciating my body when I got out the shower and oiled myself up.
Another reason that you may be feeling this sudden boost is because you feel more free-spirited during pregnancy. You need not worry about protection, for starters, which in itself can be extremely arousing if you enjoy orgasming together.
It’s worth mentioning that there is also an increased bloodflow ‘down there’ which, when stimulated properly can give you even more intense sensations and help you on your way to orgasming.
4) Too much or too little lube
Hopefully you’re on the too much end in which case you can stop reading here. Just scroll down already.
For those of you who have a little dryness, let’s talk this through a little. Some common reasons are: yep you guessed it, the hormonal conondrum again.
If you’re sexually on fire but your lady parts just aren’t performing, don’t be afraid to use the help of some natural lube to get things going again.
Explain to your partner how the changes in your body can affect your vagina’s ability to flow as it normally does and go get that lube.
There are lots of different options when it comes to lube but while you’re pregnant it’s necessary that you do a little research behind the scenes and invest in something that is both water-based and organic.
I don’t personally use anything other than coconut oil however, which I swear by for just about everything under the sun. Chapped lips? Excema? Why not lube?
The first time I used to it I have to say I was a little nervous as it is oil-based so more prone to infection, but I haven’t had any issue to this day.
Bear in mind though that you want to get the raw version like this one, rather than raffined. Also I prefer to have it scent free when I’m getting down to it, but that’s just me.
That’s because you’re much more sensitive to yeast infections during this time. This is because of the inbalance of hormones in your system and usually crops up around the second trimester.
Okay, onto the next point!
5) Worried about harming baby
Though this is a common question amongst pregnant women, there is no harm in having sex while you’re pregnant, unless you have been instructed specifically by your medical provider not to do so.
In fact, on the contrary, sex can be an amazing outlet for all that pregnancy anxiety amongst other benefits.
There is enough amniotic sac fluid, and cervical…to fully protect your baby in there. If, however, you can’t get the thought of baby out of your mind – you might want to try the following tips:
- Try doing it when baby is the least active so as not to get distracted – this may mean morning or afternoon time as some babies like to make themselves known at night
- Turn the music up and get in the mood – you’ll soon get carried away with your partner
- Have a little laugh if baby responds to certain movements – take it all with a bite of humour
The importance of foreplay
If you feel like jumping over the first hurdles and going straight for it – be my guest. You may want to listen up as to the benefits of foreplay during pregnancy sex though.
I believe that we often overlook foreplay in our sex game – in the beginning of our relationship we make this huge effort to impress and then….the tap slowly begins to dry up. But why?
The average woman needs …..amount of time to actually enter in her sexual game.
Reason for this is because women need time to switch off their to-do list in their brain and de-compres. Throw in the fact that sex is also much more of an emotional thing than men, and you start to get the idea.
During pregnancy, this is no different. If you find yourself needing cuddles and affection – don’t be afraid to ask! This is a hugely sensitive time for you and you deserve to be recognized and treated well.
If you’re stuck for ideas:
- Kiss for as long as you can without touching the other’s body
- Talk about an erotic situation you’d like to try, to get you in the mood
- Tease him by stroking his penis on your vaginal labia wihout allowing him to penetrate
- Try a sideways 69, it’s more comfortable for your belly
- Mix things up – blindfold each other to focus only on touch